Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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