i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
