That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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