Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
