Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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