Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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