No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
