Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
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My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
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Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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