It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
