we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
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