Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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