did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
