he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
