would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
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Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
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It was a blind-side dick pic.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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