It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
