How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
