I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
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