So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
