well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
