I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
