if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
