hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
