Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
