You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
