Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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