I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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