im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I pour the whiskey from now on
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
