I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
The uberlube is also flammable
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
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