who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
