his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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