i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
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oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
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The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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