STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
