So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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