4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
