We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
