you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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