I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
