Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
