i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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