Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
