I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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