my vag is so smooth its legendary
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
