I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
my poor anus
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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