D3 body, D1 cock
Need sex. Gaining weight.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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