Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
