Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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