my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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