I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
