Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
