you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
