Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
stop calling my apartment porn island.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
