so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
