cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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