i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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