I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
