You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
