I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
