She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
