i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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