I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
