Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He did a backflip because drugs
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
