3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Welp...herpes.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize