when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
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