well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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