The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
