at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Your penis caused this!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
