Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize