My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
My ass is underappreciated
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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