im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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